by Sibel Sayiner, ‘15
Thanks to the upcoming Stanford Symposium on Marriage Equality, I have once again been given an excuse to sit down and talk to people about marriage equality. I can feel your (possibly) surprised thoughts already: “people are still talking about this? I thought all the Supreme Court stuff was over!” It’s actually far from over, as I found from the conversations I had with several queer Stanford students when I asked them to share their opinions about marriage equality or the symposium in general.
The variety of opinions below might surprise you. For example, not everyone agrees marriage equality is a good idea. In listening to a myriad of voices, we can highlight the diversity of opinions on campus, even within one community. Hopefully, one or more of these statements might inspire you to think about marriage equality in a different light and remind us all that just because some legislation has passed does not mean the conversation about marriage is over.
In my hometown, I, for the most part, saw two camps of opinion on LGBT issues: those who were pro-gay marriage and those who thought being queer was, if not a sin, at least not something to ever bring up in public. So, I was pro-gay marriage. But did we ever discuss the problematic normalizing effects of marriage as a public institution tied to citizenship and economic benefits? No. Did we ever talk about trans* people in prison and their immediate need to access their medication? No. This lack of diversity in the conversation surrounding LGBT issues, especially [L, B, and T] issues, is the very reason that national organizations and campaign networks who claim they are fighting for all of our rights need to start looking to other causes–ones that will not only give us equal rights, but question the very structure of institutions, like marriage, that we play a part in and that inherently exclude LGBT and other oppressed identities. Inclusive marriage can be part of the discussion, but organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, which has the potential to reach those who do not have access to the educational resources and the queer theory that Stanford has provided me, have the absolute responsibility to broaden their campaigns and their thinking. They not only nationally represent the LGBT movement, they shape what we, as LGBT activists or allies, think is possible to change in our society. Dream bigger than [a] marriage symposium; we all deserve it.
- Tess Dufrechou, ‘16
I have an attachment to the idea of marriage because deep down inside, I am very traditional as a result of my conservative and religious background. The way I see things now, what bothers me the most is that the church has been allowed to have a sort of monopoly over marriage… Too many Christians today get bogged down on the harsh rhetoric in Leviticus 18 and 20, but they fail to consider what is perhaps the most important verse, right in the middle of Leviticus 19: “love your neighbor as yourself”. Jesus cited this verse to the Pharisees, and I feel like this is what Christians today need to think about when speaking out against the LGBTQ community. God gave us all different ways of loving, and that is what I think is most beautiful about this world. It is hard to believe that I once was opposed to the prospect of legalizing gay marriage–but now I am hopeful, and I earnestly long to see this country progress in a more accepting (and embracing) direction.
- Nathan, ‘14
I think the Marriage Equality Symposium reflects a severe lapse in judgment and is indicative of how out of touch Stanford, and other liberal institutions, continue to be from the reality of queer issues in the United States. Queer activist voices have, once again, been marginalized by the assimilationist and mainstream aspirations of the (white, middle class) majority. How many times do we have to say it? It’s getting quite exhausting: the so-called progressives on and off campus just can’t seem to wrap their heads around it. Marriage equality is not actually about equality, it’s about supporting a classist, xenophobic, heteronormative, racist, and sexist institution which perpetuates racial and economic inequality and strengthens the power of the State to regulate our intimate lives. Don’t believe me? Educate yourself.
- Alok Vaid-Menon, ‘13
I’m thrilled over the recent DOMA and Prop 8 rulings, but LGBTQ people outside of the east and west coasts still do not have such acceptance. As a result, I worry about how the symposium will be managed. It would be a disappointment if the symposium only celebrates what has been achieved without addressing the work to be done in other states…. As old news as marriage may be, it has not been achieved everywhere, and I think it is as important to change the laws as to change people’s hearts. These are opinions resulting of my own conversations with folks from conservative states.
- Chau Ho, ‘13
I think everyone who wants to marry should have the option to do so. I do not, however, think marriage should stand as a qualifier, or morally defining act, or legal barrier, or anything other than a private gesture between consenting individuals. I believe marriage should be celebrated when it is chosen but not used to discriminate against or in favor of a person in any court of law, any consideration of immigration status or legal rights, or any social judgements.
- Jennifer Leather, ‘13
Marriage in my mind is more than just the “institution” itself, more than just the legal aspects of it, more than even the incredibly important religious aspects of a union before God; marriage for me is one of the strongest demonstrations of love that people can make for one another — and that I can make for my future spouse. I think that legal recognition of same-sex marriages is an important way to help create a societal shift that recognizes all marriages as such valid demonstrations of love. I also feel that the fight for same-sex marriage should remain the focus of general LGBT, queer, and GSM [gender and sexual minorities] activism until 50/51 states, the federal government, and current US colonies recognize it. Since I would argue that same-sex marriage is a) the most approachable queer rights issue for non-queer people, b) the easiest queer rights issue to deal with in a legal sense, and c) the queer rights issue with the most momentum, it makes the most sense to continue to focus on it. Other huge issues, like teen homelessness and trans* rights issues (legal gender changes, bathroom use, etc), are still really important — and should be the next issues that should be championed on a wider scale — but their moment hasn’t come yet. Unfortunately, I think it might fall to our children to solve those issues, especially at a cultural level.
- Johnathan, ‘15
Marriage is an important thing for many people. The concept of marriage is rooted in many family structures, cultural constructs, and belief systems. I feel that, I really do. And if the family of a queer person somehow grows into acceptance and understanding because said queer person can get married—that is fantastic. Marriage matters for those people—but I am not those people, and marriage does not matter for me. Marriage does not matter to me when I am too busy focusing on issues of homeless LGBTQ youth, the criminalization of trans*folks, and the numerous asylum, violence, and refugee cases. I am more interested in creating different family structures, supportive communities, and fighting for the justice that comes when all people can live full and safe lives. That is where I want my resources, time, and power to go.
- Sammie Wills, ‘16
What do you think? How do you view marriage equality?
Sibel Sayiner is a junior majoring in Bioengineering and Classics, with a focus in Philosophy and Literature.